[Band-alum] FW: Trombone Punchline

[Meghna Antani]

Ok, so I have NO idea if this is true, but it seems like a news story.
Either way it's completely funny. You will enjoy :) Hey Paul--forward this
to the band if you think it's funny enough. Does anyone have Kevin Little's
email? Feel free to send it on!

Hey it reminds me of "post-it" wars between a certain percussion and
trombone section :) :)

Hope you're all doing well!!
Meghna

>1812 Overture
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
>August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay:
>
>Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de
>Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own
>contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's
>performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's
>concert.
>
>In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which
>was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his
>aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his
>quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.
>
>Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through
>bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would
>shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the energy of
>the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute high above
>the orchestra, like a rocket."
>
>However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to
>use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before
>the firecracker went off, he failed to raise the bell of the horn
>high enough so as to give the mute enough arc to clear the orchestra.
>
>What actually happened should serve as a lesson to us all during
>those delirious moments of divine inspiration.  First, because he
>failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast
>propelled the mute between rows of players in the woodwind and viola
>sections of the orchestra, missing the players and straight into the
>stomach of the conductor, driving him off the podium and directly
>into the front row of the audience.
>
>Fortunately, the audience were sitting in folding chairs and thus
>they were protected from serious injury, for the chairs collapsed
>under them passing the energy of the impact of the flying conductor
>backwards into row of people sitting behind them, who in turn were
>driven back into the people in the row behind and so on, like a row
>of dominos. The sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of
>people falling on their behinds increased logarithmically, adding to
>the overall sound of brass cannons and brass playing as constitutes
>the closing measures of the Overture.
>
>Meanwhile, all of this unplanned choreography not withstanding, back
>on stage Paolo's Waterloo was still unfolding.  According to Paolo,
>"Just as he heard the sound of the blast, time seemed to stand
>still.
>
>"Everything moved in slow motion.  Just before I felt searing pain
>to my mouth, I could swear I heard a voice with a Austrian accent say
>"Fur every akshon zer iz un eekvul un opposeet reakshon!"
>
>Well, this should come as no surprise, for Paolo had set himself up
>for a textbook demonstration of this fundamental law of physics.
>Having failed to plug the lead pipe of his trombone, he allowed the
>energy of the blast to send a super heated jet of gas backwards
>through the mouth pipe of the trombone which exited the mouthpiece
>burning his lips and face.
>
>The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet.  The force of the blast was
>so great it split the bell of his shiny Yamaha right down the middle,
>turning it inside out while at the same time propelling Paolo
>backwards off the riser. And for the grand finale, as Paolo fell
>backwards he lost his grip on the slide of the trombone allowing the
>pressure of the hot gases coursing through the horn to propel the
>trombone's slide like a double golden spear into the head of the 3rd
>clarinetist, knocking him unconscious.
>
>The moral of the story?  Beware the next time you hear someone in
>the trombone section yell out, "Hey, everyone, watch this!"
>

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"No one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, 
the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. 
The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure." 
			-Emma Goldman

"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre." 
			-Gail Godwin
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